Contortions of Emotion
by Pixie Child
Summary: She shouldn't have fallen for him and she waited too long to say yes.  -Jo/Zane-


**Pairing**: Jo/Zane only not, because sci-fi sucks.  
**Timeline**: 4.01 - Founder's Day  
**Spoilers**: 4.01, vague reference to the first Eureka comic. (That would be the 'Brogan' reference. But seriously, if you haven't read the comic, you really should. It's written by the same guy as the series and while the art isn't as drool-worthy as the actual actors, the storyline is _awesome_.)  
**A/N**: I haven't written a fic like this in years. I'm the first to admit that it's not very good, but really, it's my way of bitching about Eureka's latest retcon. My first reaction to the 'new' Zane was something like "Whatthefuck?Noway,theycan'tdothis!Nonononononononononono!"  
**A/N2**: Yeah, yeah, I know it's a little incoherent, but its Jo, ranting internally after she just found out the man she loves thinks the idea of being with her is a joke. Let see you be completely together after something like that happened to you. (Oh, and I also wrote this at 23:30 because I'm too manic and it's too humid to sleep. But that has nothing to do with it.)  
**A/N3**: I have two canon het ships that I consider perfection that should not be messed with; Athena/Helo and Jo/Zane. So right now? Eureka is dead to me.  
**Written for**: eureka_tag LJ  
**Thanks To**: serene_quill & conspiratorsb for helping me find a way to watch the ep.  
**Feedback**: is a must!  
**Disclaimer**: Not mine. I play with other people's toys.  
**First Posted**: July 13, 2010

* * *

She should have said yes. She should have thrown her arms around him and kissed him senseless. She should have squealed like Zoe and asked him to put the ring on her. She should have said _something_ beyond "I don't know what to say" and letting him leave. If she'd said yes, or even that she wanted to talk about it, it wouldn't be like this. They would have found a place to themselves and she wouldn't have bothered trying to answer her phone and none of this would have happened. If she'd just answered the damn proposal the way she _wanted_ to, instead of freaking out, it wouldn't be like this.

Jo just doesn't understand herself sometimes. It's really stupid, she can take on 13 grunts (including the ones she took out to get into the base and take the uniform), but when her boyfriend says he loves her and wants to marry her, she freezes. Freezes and runs. How pathetic is that? Why couldn't she just have admitted to him and herself that marriage is actually something that she wants, and marriage to him is her ideal happily-ever-after. Why, for God's sake, couldn't she have said _yes_?

Okay, so maybe her staying behind wouldn't have changed anything. But even if it all ended up the same way, she wouldn't know any different. She'd be in blissful ignorance, living out whatever life she should remember in this hellscape of a world. She'd never have heard him call her 'Jo-Jo' in that cheeky tone, never have experienced the firework thrill of kissing him, never have know that such a air-head concept of 'True Love' really existed, but at least she wouldn't have this empty, black hole in her gut caused by Zane 2.0 laughing in her face at the idea of proposing to her. When he did that... it was like her whole world was falling apart.

She hates this. She hates Kevin for sending them back in time, she hates Carter for giving Grant his phone, she hates Grant for coming back with them, she hates her Zane for making her love him and she hates this new Zane for how he laughed at her when she said yes, like the idea of being involved with her was the most ridicules idea he'd ever heard. But most of all, she hates herself letting her guard down and falling for him in the first place.

_This_ is why she was the hard-ass bitch that beat Carter down the day he came into town. Because all she'd needed back then was the job as a few toys that came along with it. The _job_ couldn't make her weak. The _job_ didn't leave her open to this sort of hurt. _Love_ did that. _Love_ made her weak, an easy target for a bastard like Brogan to affect her and a (loveable, adorable, awesome) freak like Zane to make her feel this way. _Love_ did that. She should have learned her lesson the first time. She really should have. If she'd just kept up her wall, kept everyone at a distance, the way she was trained to, Zane, even with his sassy personality, ridiculous provocations and super sexy body, wouldn't have been able to get to her.

Really, it is all Carter's fault that she let Zane in. He was the one who came in here with his daughter and his idiotic openness, that silly smile that was enough to melt her hard exterior and convince her to live a little. Not to mention he gave Zane all the information the younger man had needed to sweep her into the whirlwind, rollercoaster romance before she really knew what was going on. So she'll blame Carter, because her choices are either that or the universe and if it's the fault of the bitch of a universe that she's feeling like this then she may as well eat her gun and be done with it.

Regardless of who she's going to blame though, she's not going back to the station until Zane's gone. No matter how strong she is and will continue to be, she cannot see him anytime soon, and certainly not in the very place he proposed to her less than 48 hours ago. If she does, she knows _somebody_ will end up dead.


End file.
